I still don’t think it has sunk in yet that I’m engaged and that I’m going to be getting married. One reason is that I still haven’t been able to pick up my ring from the jewelers. We took it in last week Thursday to get it resized and it’s been a week already! I’m constantly checking my phone to see if they called because I just want to wear it!
Anyways, everybody was really excited when I told them about being engaged. My mom even seemed like she was somewhat excited, however, I was just waiting for her to interject her two cents. For those of you who don’t already know, my mom is extremely opinionated and very stubborn when it comes to seeing other people’s viewpoints (especially mine). So, we were talking on the phone and she said that she had one request that I follow on my wedding day…that I get married by a priest. She wanted me to promise that a priest would marry Ben and I and that if we weren’t married by a priest, a lot of my family (everybody on my mom’s side) would be very disappointed in me. I couldn’t promise her on the phone because I didn’t want to commit to something that Ben and I weren’t interested in doing. After informing Ben about what she said, we decided to find out what the different requirements were to get married by a priest. At that point, I was willing to possibly let a priest marry us because it would stop my mom from being upset and disappointed in me for at least the next four months and probably longer. This is our wedding, one of the happiest days of our lives, and I can just imagine it being a nightmare if I don’t follow what she says. The next day Ben called a local Catholic church and was told the following:
1) We would probably need to join a particular parish in order to be married by them – we are not looking to join a parish.
2) We would need to take the marriage preparation courses. They typically last 9 months. Some parishes might do it in 6, but most in this diocese (Lansing Diocese) are 9 months. They will not marry you without this. There are no shortcuts. Which means even if we managed to find one with 6 months, we wouldn't be able to get married until September (IF we started classes now) – we want to get married in late June or early July
3) We would have to agree to raise our children catholic – we don’t want to force a specific religion upon our children
I also imagine that the fact that neither of us is interested in the Catholic church and the only reason we would be there is to make my mom happy would also be an issue with a priest. We made an effort to look into getting married by a priest, but Ben and I just don’t feel like getting married by a priest because it doesn’t fit either of our interests.
I still haven’t broken the news to my mom yet, but I’m expecting a not so pleasant experience. I’m ok with that though. This is our wedding and we are going to get married the way we want to. I’ll keep everyone posted with the reaction of my mom. Maybe she’ll have a change of heart.
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2 comments:
Hooray for the two of you!
Good for you on looking into the priest thing, and doubly so for agreeing that it's not right for you. In hindsight, I wish Husband and I had realized that the whole Catholic wedding thing was really only for his mom and a big wasted effort (although I LOVED our wedding, and the priest who married us is totally awesome). And trust me, those classes (well, the "natural family planning" ones) are hell for any forward-thinking modern woman OR man.
Anyway, based on what you said about the marriage requirements AND based on what we had to go through paper-work wise, it just wouldn't be possible for you two anyway. Your mom will have to deal. Go you!
Congrats you two! I know this may sound a bit like cheating, but have you looked into any "former" priests? I could swear that I have had professor or two who were at one point priests and ministers, now focusing on other aspects of the world, but they still know the teachings and can probably still perform wedding ceremoneis (I've actually had a few friends married by such individuals). You might want to check with the Universalist churches, they've got to have some "recovering Catholics" who might know of someone that would a) make the parents happy, and b) be more open to your own preferences as well. Just a thought! Mazel tov!
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